BMW Service Horror Stories

It wouldn't be so bad if it just happened once. What is the matter with these people?

I own a 1994 530i. I like rear-wheel drive cars and the 530i has a V-8. A puny 3.0 liter V-8, but a V-8 nonetheless. It has reasonable power and is fairly quiet and comfortable. Mileage isn't too good for a car with such a small engine, but that could be my lead foot as well. Anyways:

Scenario #1

PCV Valve: I'm driving home at night, and I hear a very slight "whine" on de-acceleration. Very subtle, but I'm in tune with my car. I think maybe its the differential starting to go. The next day the car starts to belch black smoke out the exhaust. No tranny problem here. I take it to New Century BMW in Alhambra where I bought it. They explain that it is the PCV valve, and will cost a little less than $1300 to fix. They say they need to pull the manifold for some "reconditioning" and to gain access to the PCV valve, which needs replacing. Also both the oxygen sensors have been destroyed by the oil that was being sucked from the block (hence the black smoke) through a tear in the PCV diaphragm. Also I'll need new spark plugs as the existing ones are fouled.

I think "...$1300, f**k that! I'm not gonna pay $1300 for a gosh darn PCV valve!" PCV valves cost $15 at Pep Boys. So I have the car carted home on a flat-bed tow truck and stick it in the garage. There is only one repair book I've found for a 1994 530i, and that's the dealer's repair manual. There are no instructions on replacing PCV valves in the book. No pictures either. Looks like its up to Bubba to figure it out.

I locate the PCV valve on the back of the manifold and take it off. Strange, I didn't need to take off the manifold to do that. Took me about 5 minutes. I take the front of the manifold off and can see some oil in there. I take some towels and wipe it up, then I spray some carb-cleaner in there and wipe that up. I go to the dealer, buy a PCV valve for $35 and put it on. I fire the car up.

She starts instantly. A tiny bit of smoke. Strange, no dash warning lights for the 02 sensors. This car warns you of everything. One time I did have an 02 sensor go out, and the car told me about. When the 02 sensor went you could tell because the car ran like crud at idle. No similar problem here.

I drive the car for a week and then have it smog-checked so I can get the registration renewed: the car passes the first time with flying colors. No new plugs, no new oxygen sensors. What a rip off. It cost me $35 and one hour of labor to do what the dealer wanted more than $1200 for. - BUYER BEWARE -

Scenario #2

Pump Nipple: I'm driving home at night, and notice some smoke/steam coming out the back of the car. I don't have any tools with me, and home is pretty far, so I have the car towed to where I bought it, New Century BMW in Alhambra. Its night-time, so I have to fill in a slip saying what's wrong and leave my keys. So I look under the hood and see that a small hose attached to the nipple of some kind of gizmo has broken off.

The next day they call me and tell me repairs will cost me about $1100 (I don't know what it is with the "around $1200" and these guys). They tell me the nipple to the heater valve is broken, the hoses are shot, and I need new belts. The valve/hose job is roughly $700, the belts about $400. $400 for belts!? They say the valve is $240, the hoses are about $60, and "you have to take a lot of crap off to get at the valve. It takes about 6 hours, and labor is $90 an hour." Remembering Scenario #1 above, I started to feel like Jim Carrey in "The Mask" when he had his car at the shop. I said "Forget it, I'll have it towed home," figuring that the $85 tow bill will save me hundreds. Before they release the car they tell me I have to pay a $70 diagnosis fee. I straighten up, look at the service manager directly, move in a little closer and say "Diagnosis? You didn't diagnose shit. I diagnosed the car for you. I told you what was wrong." I was thinking maybe I should ask them for some money, when the manager said they'd be "big about the whole thing" and not charge me their usual diagnosis fee.

I take the car home and have a look at the problem. I "take a lot of crap off to get to the valve": which actually amounts to literally 2 minutes of work, including finding the right wrench. Really the valve nipple wasn't broken, it was the nipple on the auxiliary water pump for the heater. The hoses look fine. I went to another BMW dealer for the part because I wasn't about to give New Century BMW another dime. They tell me list price for the valve is about $210 and the pump is about $180; they'll sell either one to me for $140. I take out the old pump and put the new pump in: elapsed time less than 10 minutes. I screw the valve down and clip the pump back in place: 1 minute. Total repair time (not including drive to other dealer for part) less than 20 minutes. The work wasn't difficult, or time consuming.

Its now been more than 7 months and 10,000 miles. The hoses are still fine. So for what the dealer wanted $1100 and said would take more than 6 hours cost me $140 and twenty minutes.

Oh, and the belts were fine.

Scenario #3

"Inspection:" Every 3 months or so the BMW dash indicates you need an "inspection." This is a way for BMW to guarantee a constant revenue stream into their dealerships. In order to get the car to stop saying it needs an "inspection" you need a special-tool to reset the computer. This whole scheme is a colossal money-making source. The inspection amounts to: change the oil, air-filter, and cabin-filter, look at the rest of the car a little bit. They don't "inspect" too much, as I've had numerous serious problems on a car that went through this "inspection" without any mention. So basically its an oil change and 2 filters changed. Guess how much, $250? Wrong! An inexpensive dealer charges about $550 for this, some upwards of $700. As bad as New Century BMW in Alhambra is, they're actually at the low end of the scale. I figure this "inspection" should be renamed to "extortion." If you don't go into the dealer you can't get the dash light reset. For further reference on this procedure, see the BMW service manual.

Scenario #4

Battery: soon

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Last Updated September 01, 2001