Characteristics

(Open system)                                   (Closed system)

Room to grow, expand.                          Dependent, based on security and
Desire for other to grow.                       comfort; use intensity of need and
                                                                infatuation as proof of love (may really be fear,
                                                                insecurity, loneliness).

Separate interest, other friends.           Total involvement; Limited social
Maintain other meaningful                    life, neglect old friends, interests.
relationships. Encouragement of
each other's expanding, secure in
own worth.                                              Preoccupation with others behavior,
                                                                dependent on others approval for own identity
                                                                and self-worth.

Trust, openness                                     Jealousy, possessiveness (fears competition).
                                                               "Protects supply"

Mutual integrity preserved.                 One partner's needs suspended for the others,
                                                                self-deprivation.

Willingness to risk and be real.            Search for perfect invulnerability - eliminates
                                                                possible risks.

Room for exploration of feelings.         Reassurance through repeated in and out of
                                                                relationship. ritualized activity.

Ability to enjoy being alone.                  Intolerance - unable to endure separations (even
                                                                in conflict), hang on even tighter; Undergo
                                                                withdrawal - loss of appetite, restless, lethargic
                                                                disoriented agony.

                                                        Breakups
Accept break-up without feeling           Feel inadequate, worthless.
a loss of own adequacy & self-worth.   Often unilateral decision.
Wants best for partner, though             Violent ending - often hate
apart can become friends.                     other, try to inflict pain.
                                                                Manipulation to get other back.

                                                One-sided addiction
                                                                Denial, fantasy.  (Over estimation of others
                                                                commitment)