CONTACT:
Ringo Starr
kristuphil.com
Phone: 1-800-ASS-FART
Fax: 609-750-1392
Cell Phone: 906-510-0795
Email: lehman-browns@linkline.com
Web site: http://www.kristuphil.com

kristuphil.com Gets Censored By Wuss Mom
What's next? No guns at the dinner table?

Novato, CA - August 13, 2001-- kristuphil, inc.'s website ads have attracted the attention of "the man", and this time "the man" is "a woman". Quacko, the mother of kristuphil, inc. founders Kris, Stu and Phil, has forced the cutting-edge corporation to pull its ads from all of its sites, on the basis of them going "just too far." She has threatened the webmaster, saying that if the ads are not pulled, she will head a campaign to boycott the international superpower's website.

The situation has caused general surprise and disappointment throughout kristuphil inc.'s ranks. Kris, the company's Executive God of Everything: "Jesus [expletive deleted] Christ. I can't [expletive deleted] believe she [Quacko] thinks being vulgar to the point of absurdity is [expletive deleted] that has to be taken out of [expletive deleted] circulation. I mean, I guess free [expletive deleted] speech doesn't [expletive deleted] include [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]. [expletive deleted]."

The deific company eventually pulled the ads, putting them on a so-called 'mature' page [http://www.kristuphil.com/mature_intro.html], only viewable by people who can think for themselves. "It was a very hard decision to make," says kristuphil, inc.'s public relations executive and singer/songwriter Carly Simon. "Of course we want to stand up for what we're about and what we think is right, but eventually you just get to the point that you can't fight anymore. We appologize to those who think kristuphil, inc. has lost its edge. Honestly, we haven't. It's being stolen from us."

The late former Prime Minister of Britain Winston Churchill had this to say: "It's difficult to believe such a liberal woman can feel threatened by a couple of 468 x 60 boxes filled with words, but everyone seems to have their areas of insecurity, and it looks like this woman cannot take a dirty joke. I was knighted for fighting fascism and fought the allied struggle against Hitler and the Nazis, but this... this is just sad." Strong words. It's hard to believe that a company who can get a man Time magazine named one of the six most important men in the 20th century to come back from the grave just to stand by them still has to give in to this major injustice.

"At first I was shocked," says Kris, "but then I thought about it, and it's not all that surprising from a woman who forces her son to ingest neuro-toxins because he doesn't share her outlook on life. But this is such [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]."

Musician and corporate whore Stuart Alexander Lehman-Brown Boy sums it up: "There's truly just nothing we can do. She knows where we live. She prepares our food. When you fight her, she ruins your life. If she lets you live at all. We're all just very sorry. It was either this, or we'd have to pull the site completely."

Those who think they can withstand the unrelentless evil force of *words* can still see the ads on the new 'mature' (meaning immature) page at http://www.kristuphil.com/mature_intro.html. Watch out. They might gang up on you and form sentences.