Speaker: Okay, okay. Everybody take your seats. Quiet down. Everybody shut up. Okay, now how’s everybody doing today? (pause) I can’t hear you... I said: how’s everybody doing today?!? Right, c’mon, make some noise! (pause) Alright, okay, okay, alright. I know you’re all excited to be out of class but you’ve got to quiet down. Shhh... Alright, alright. Now you probably know why your principal made you all come here and listen to me talk. Last week, one of our sophomores here at Handle Rock... (random applause/whistles sound from the back at the mention of the school’s name) Yeah, okay... quiet down. One of our students... killed his best friend. (low pitched "Casey!" of praise sounds in the back) No, dude. That is not cool. This is a serious thing. This kid felt so bad about himself that he thought that the only way out was to kill his best English paper due next week. Err... friend, friend! (laughing) Sorry... I was up way too late at that kegg...errmm... thing. Last night. What was I talking about... (shuffles through note cards) Oh, yeah, oh yeah. So, it’s like, we can’t let this happen again. So we spent trillions of your parents’ tax dollars on a new security camera system installed throughout the school. We figure that even though the incident didn’t happen at school and had nothing to do with school, taking away all of your privacy will greatly improve the situation. And if any of you see that murderer kid around, make sure you’re real nice to him and give him all the attention you can. You don’t want him to feel awkward or left out. Who knows, you might even make a new friend. Ummm... (shuffles through her cards) Oh, we also have word that there might have been some drug use involved. I know you hear it all the time, but you’ve got to stay away from the drugs. They’re not cool. Think about it. Anything that changes the way your body works, anything that’s addicting, is bad. (She stares blankly out into the crowd for a while) What? Oh, sorry. I didn’t get my coffee this morning. I’m a little out of it. But anyway, don’t do drugs. It’s not cool. You might end up doing something stupid and get tons of attention, and get enough breaks from people who feel sorry for you that you won’t have to do anything for the rest of your life. Like my sister. She did too many drugs and now she gets paid to sit at home and watch TV so she doesn’t bother anyone. But she had other problems too. She had opinions about stuff, and she wouldn’t put out. Just remember, you guys, opinions are a privilege, not a right. They’re great until someone starts having some that are different than the majority’s. And we’ve got to respect. I mean, it’s not cool to think someone’s better or worse just because of what they do and how they treat you. It’s crazy. And you can’t talk trash about someone just because of the color of the clothes they wear or where they live. And us here at Handle Rock are above it. And we’re gonna show it when we kick some Cooley High butt at the football game next Saturday, ‘cause they suck and we rule! (Applause and cheering) But anyway, that’s about it. Thanks for listening you guys. Have fun, but don’t do anything. I’ll see you guys later.